is this thing on?

I have stage fright about posting on the other site right now since it's been so damn long. I don't know if I have anything to talk about, but I really need to get back in the habit of writing before i forget how. I feel like motherhood has sucked everything interesting out of me and I call I can talk about is diapers and car seats. I don't want to write about the kids, but I also don't want to forget about the details, how awesome they are right now. Even when they are not awesome.

so i don't know. Maybe I'll try this for a while until I get it all going again.

I am not nice

More proof that I am a terrible, mean-spirited person:

My SIL was scheduled for a C-section because her baby was breech. About 6 or 7 weeks ago she told me the news, quite depressed because she did not want a surgical birth. I asked a friend who had successfully turned a breech baby for some info and forwarded it to my SIL along with with a few other recommendations for non-invasive ways to turn a baby. I am aware that not everything works. Some babies turn and others don't. But I thought she'd rather try to turn the baby naturally than have major abdominal surgery. My SIL decided that taking a prenatal yoga class, seeing a chiropractor, or doing handstands in a pool was too much work. And of course her OB, who is a surgeon and gets paid more for surgical procedures, told her it probably wouldn't work anyway. So she did nothing and scheduled the surgery.

She had the baby this morning. Now she's in a lot of pain. 8 hours after the surgery she was still in the recovery room, not yet on the regular floor. She needed an IV drip of pain meds because the pills they gave her weren't working. My first thought was that she should have done the goddamn handstands.

bitter and petty

I am now going to be bitter and petty for a bit.

First of all, T had croup over the weekend. It was a mild case, and he's fine now, but we were at my mom's until yesterday and I haven't had a decent night's sleep since Thursday.

My SIL is having her baby tomorrow morning. Yesterday I asked B what time we were scheduled to go over there today for her farewell visit. He didn't know what I was talking about. I assumed that because she is who she is she would have summoned her family for a last meal before the big day. Sure enough, this morning we get a call from B's brother Mike inviting us to lunch at her house. Why he invited us, and not his sister or her husband I didn't know, but it came from him.

The Memorial Day parade goes past our house and BIL came over to watch. He had been at SIL's and his wife and daughter were still over there. He told us that his parents weren't there yet and that they needed B to help them finish some flooring they're putting in in the breakfast room but that SIL didn't want the kids there because T had been sick and she doesn't want to be around them because she's having surgery tomorrow.

So basically she uninvited me. The whole family is gathering for lunch, and even though B (with his runny nose and itchy throat) is just as contagious as the kids and I are, he's invited and I have to stay home with the kids.

I was livid. It's just so typical of her to inconvenience and exclude me (I don't know if you remember the wedding stuff from last year, when I was completely excluded from family pictures until an hour before I needed to be there, but it was infuriating and just one of many inconvenient, exclusionary things.) I don't even think it's intentional, she's just so goddamned self-centered it doesn't occur to her that perhaps I might want to spend time with my husband on Memorial day and not lose him to the floors that they should have started months ago, not in the middle of last week. If we're not invited we should all be uninvited, not just me.

And on top of it, she's having her baby tomorrow. And of course that means we have to go to the hospital to see her. Even though we're still contagious. She'll be mad if we don't.

Back to the bitter and petty, last year right around this time she wasn't even speaking to us! She blatantly ignored us for a week after T was born because in our sleep deprived haze we were surprised her husband would give up practicing as a PA at a great hospital with great benefits to teach in a brand new PA program with terrible benefits. They didn't talk to us for a week and we didn't even know why. We just knew we asked for an hour of her time and she said no because she was going to be drinking coffee with her mother. And the next day she'd be drinking Manhattans with her mother. So even though F was breaking down completely and I was knee deep in newborn haze, she couldn't be bothered to even tell us what made her mad. And her parents were so busy making meatballs for her stupid wedding shower that they didn't call us for a week either. B's parents! My children's grandparents. People who I thought I could depend on completely abandoned us when we needed them most.

And today I was uninvited to her house but she needed my contagious husband so he was okay to be there. Of course he offered to stay home with me, but then I look like an asshole for saying no, you can't go help them the day before she has a baby.

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Full Disclosure

I guess it's really not full disclosure, since I'm not actually posting this on my regular everyday blog, but because I'm sick of caring, here it is. Boom, I read your blog. I found it shortly after you changed the url and your user name so I wouldn't find it. It took about 20 minutes of googling one night. I couldn't help myself. Your IP address isn't a number, it's the name of your place of employment. It drove me crazy that you, who didn't want me reading yours, were still reading my blog regularly so I read yours. When your IP disappeared from my stats I stopped reading, but when it showed up the other day I checked in and saw that you'd written about us again.

You write that I thought you were going after him because you called me crazy. Wrong. I thought you were going after him because you'd been sending him emails about what could have been for years. (I wrote about it in depth here. )You were constantly questioning why you hadn't given in to your feelings. You called him your soulmate on your blog. You wrote to him, "despite being in love with other men at other times, it's always been you. For my entire adult life, it's been you."

Say what you will, I don't believe that you weren't going after him. Sure, hindsight is 20/20 and you were in love with an ideal, but at the time? You wanted him. He and I were broken up and you had no idea that we were working on our relationship. It wasn't your fault, but still, let's be honest. Even with your live-in boyfriend, you were after him.Your words, (not his, not mine) clearly state that you wanted him. He may have flirted with you and made you feel good but he did not pursue you the way you pursued him.

I'm sorry your friendship with him was ruined. The whole thing could have been avoided if just once, rather than meeting solo for drinks the two have you could have invited your significant others along. Instead you (plural) made your relationship private, secret. If he was such a good friend I'd think that you'd have wanted to meet his girlfriend of five years.

I know that Boyfiend was never honest with me about your relationship just as he was never honest with you about ours. I'm sure that what I envision and the truth are far removed. Of course he complained to you about me. You were his outlet, just as I have friends that I complain to about him. It doesn't matter Boom. We're happy and we're married. No matter what you might think, no matter what I may write about on my blog (because remember, I'm telling stories when I write and the happy ones are generally the boring ones) we are happy with our lives together.

And because I'm directly addressing the issue here, yes, occasionally I look people up on myspace. I misread a page and typed in an email address, your friend's, thinking it was a search. It was, embarrassingly an invitation. I'm not a stalker, I was just curious, the same way I look up people from high school and college, the same way people look up my page. That's all.

So please stop reading my site from work. I'd rather not know when you do. At least read it from home so I don't recognize the IP. I don't want to have to think about this anymore. I don't want to think about you any more. It's over.

Moving

Go say hi to the new, not-quite-the-way-I-want-it-but-better-than-nothing girl-fiend.com and update your bookmarks. New content coming sometime. I swear. See you there.

All done

Hi. I took some advice from Oz and Sarah and S. and moved everything to wordpress. You were right. The import process was very easy.

I will probably move everything to the domain I bought (almost 2 years ago now) in the next week or two, but hopefully that will be a smooth transition without stupid spam robots attacking me. http://girlfiend.wordpress.com/