Dysfunction at its finest

My cousin Meg called yesterday to say hi and see how the Fiendling's doing. Meg, here from New York for the day, came over to visit on Mother's Day. She thought she'd see me, as my mom and I and her sister and her kids usually spend that day together, but my aunt (you may recall her from the ketubah incident) and my mom are in yet another raging fight. They haven't spoken for about a month now, and there's absolutely no sign of them making up any time soon. Check out this insanity.

My cousin Paul got married a few days after the Fiendling was born. His wife's from Arizona so they got married there, which means that going to this wedding cost everyone at least $1000, including airfare, hotel, present, etc. Before the wedding my aunt Bea, who lives in the same building as my mom, was at her apartment and my mom showed her the dress she planned on wearing: vintage couture- Valentino I think. Bea saw the dress and said, "I must wear it." My mom, knowing how important Paul's wedding was to her said yes, but made her promise not to get it altered.

The wedding was held at the Sanctuary, a beautiful, expensive mountaintop resort. My mother saw the prices of the rooms were around $500/night and started looking around for other places to stay. Bea told her no, she had to stay at the Sanctuary. My mother assumed that everyone else would be staying there too and she wanted to be where the action was, knowing that people generally meet up in the bar for drinks after the wedding is over. Unfortunately no one was staying at the Sanctuary, except for my mother, Bea, Meg, and Paul and his new wife. My mom was disappointed and slightly annoyed to learn she was paying a ton of money and missing out on the fun, but she still enjoyed herself and came home to tell me what a beautiful wedding it was.

Here are a few of the fights surrounding the wedding:

Bea was paying for a portion of the rehearsal dinner. She was annoyed that Paul didn't arrange for her transportation from the airport to the hotel. She was also annoyed that she was on her own getting to the rehearsal dinner. Paul ended up driving both my mom and Bea to the rehearsal dinner. Because I'd just given birth the discussion of what my mom wanted the Fiendling to call her came up. My mom does not want to be a Grandma, a Bubbe or a Nanny because they all sound too old to her. She's decided to be called DeDe, a diminutive of her name. Bea said, "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard." My mom bitchily responded, "When your children give you grandbabies you can decide what you'll be called." Paul, nearly 40 and getting married after nine years of dating Sarah, said, "Mom, she's got a good point."

Meg, although she was never asked, assumed she'd be in her brother's wedding. She was furious to learn she was not. Bea was pissed to learn Meg wouldn't be in the wedding. After tears and arguments Meg ended up walking down the aisle with the wedding party. But the damage was done.

Paul and Sarah were married by a rabbi even though Sarah's not Jewish. During the ceremony they honored their deceased grandparents while Ave Maria played. Bea was outraged that Paul would honor her dead mother with a Christian song.

During the cocktail hour, Bea took Paul aside and started telling him how inappropriate it was to play Ave Maria. She also told him that Sarah's mother was ugly, her sister was fat, and her whole family was a bunch of hicks who didn't know how to behave. Paul's best man tried to tell her that perhaps this wasn't the best time to pick a fight with her son, but Bea kept going. She yelled at her son at his wedding reception. Nice, right?

Everyone returns home and pretends things are fine, but really they're not. Paul and Bea make up and to smooth things over Bea tells him that my mother had a miserable time at his wedding and did nothing but complain about how expensive it was. Paul was upset by this. To show just how upset he was, he wrote my mother a nasty note and included a check for $1000. My mother sees the letter and the check and was rightfully pissed off. While she did spend more money than she'd planned on this wedding, she didn't complain about it. And she's a complainer. I was surprised when she told me how beautiful the wedding was and what a nice time she had, so for once I can actually vouch for her. Rather than simply ignore the letter she cashed the check.

Paul was an idiot to send her a check. He should know by now that his mom's a shit talker who picks fights. He could have called my mother and confronted her about her supposed complaints, or he just could have been a man and ignored it. But he didn't. He sent her a check.

My mother should have torn up the check. Paul acted like a child, but rather than ignore him, my mom fed into it and further exacerbated the situation by spending his money.

This story is already insanely long, but it continues.

The check and the shit talking was not what finally prompted the big fight between my aunt and my mom. Even after all the shit about the money and the check everyone was annoyed but still talking. The straw that broke the camel's back was the dress. Remember the dress? The vintage couture Bea borrowed? She had it altered. Her tailor cut 6 inches off of the hem. This was it for my mom. You don't fuck with couture. Now Meg and Paul are just barely speaking, Paul's pissed at my mom, Meg, single and unhappy at 43, is convinced her life has been ruined because of her mom, and my mom hasn't spoken to her sister in more than a month. They live in the same building ahd haven't said a word to each other. Bea actually uses the back entrance when she and my mom get home at the same time. Pretty sweet, huh?

I am so glad Boyfiend's family is normal.